We're Just Rookies!

I'm sick.  Again.

This will be round number four since September.  Allie is STILL sick since October 4th.  And Justin just sort of floats in and out of sickness as we go (the benefit of being somewhat of a germaphobe.)

I figured out what's going on though.  I really don't give a rat's ass WHAT this cold is about.  What I wanted to know was WHY we keep getting sick.  And I've come to the conclusion that this is like bootcamp for new parents.  It's the minor leagues.  When we get to the Major League (Kindergarten) we will be prepared and invincible!

Maybe not invincible, but we will be dodging bad (germ) pitches left and right!  I'm a rookie in the world of educational sickness.

I'm in complete awe of Allie's teachers.  I have three very good reasons why.

First of all, they are totally impervious to all of the germy bodily fluids that fly around that classroom.  I asked one of them the other day how she manages to not catch a cold, and she said that her immune system is really strong after being subjected to colds for so many years as a teacher.

(Side note: and how STRONG it is!  She recently told me a hilarious story about when a kid sneezed right in her face and her mouth was open.  Instinctively she reached for Purell and wiped her tongue with it without thinking.)

The second reason why I love Allie's teachers is that they tolerate my wacky husband (they actually find him endearing, thank God!), who until recently was staying for the first 15-20 minutes of Allie's 2.5 hour class to make sure she was comfortable with him leaving her there.

There was always some reason.  "She started to cry when I went to leave."  "She begged me to stay."  "She's not feeling well so I wanted to make sure she would be okay before I left."  Complete helicopter parent.

Now you see where the title of my blog came from.  HE is assuming the traditional "mom role" and I'm trying to work out my mom role somewhere on the flip side.

Finally, after talking with the teachers (did I mention that I love them?) about this, I finally had a little chat with him.  "It's been four months.  You need to just go.  Do you see any other parents there for the first fifteen minutes of class?"

"Sometimes I do!  And sometimes there are other parents there, too! You're not there.  You don't know."  Um.....sure.

I could see where this was going.  I had to bring in testimony from an expert witness.  "Well, I talked to Mrs. J (one of the teachers) and she thinks that Allie will be just fine if you drop her off and go.  Remember the first day how they told us that she would stop crying by the time we reached the end of the driveway?"

"They told me that they are fine with me being there!"

"Yes, dear.  That's what they say to your face.  Behind your back they are thinking maybe you should get the hell out of there before I have to pay a second tuition for your forty year old ass."

The truth is that they really don't care.  But they have also told me that they think it would be fine for him to leave far earlier than he does.  I also know that he's sweet and polite and entertaining....and they know that it's really HIM who has a hard time letting go.  Not her.

Now he drops her off, says goodbye and leaves.  He's moving out of Rookie status in the "cut the umbilical cord" department.

The third reason why I love Allie's pre-school teachers is this:

This is what Allie gave us for Christmas.  I started crying as soon as I opened it up.  Her little footprints and toe prints put together in such adorable fashion.  I never expected something so creative!  She also brought home cookies that they baked that day, but as you can imagine they are long gone.  Very tasty though!

As soon as I started crying, Allie started checking me out.  She figured out that it was a happy cry and she got all maternal on me, she hugged me and told me it was going to be okay and that she loved me.  My heart felt like it was the size of Alaska, full of love!

I hope you all are having a wonderful holiday season!

If you clickity click on the banner below, it will seem like nothing happened, but it did!  You can close the window as soon as it opens if you like.  T'anks peeps!

Surviving Preschool And Doggie Drags

I apologize for my absenteeism the past week or so.  I had a bit of the "out and downs".

No, not the down and outs.  I went out and ended up down.  On the ground.  Twice in 48 hours.  I got my ass kicked by two 100+ pound dogs during leisurely walks around their neighborhoods.

I am woman, hear me fall! (On the upside, Operation Fattypants has left me with 18.8 fewer pounds to hit the ground.)

The first dog was an enormous one year old black lab who thinks every living being should be greeted with Marmaduke-like enthusiasm.  

Marmaduke-like Enthusiasm - Exhibit A

Unfortunately, if you're at the other end of the leash and not holding onto a tree when it happens, you will become very well acquainted with the surrounding grass and/or shrubberies.

I feel like I'm freakishly strong, but some things are just BV (Beyond Vic).  When he saw another puppy, he took off.  And I went flying as I stumbled, tripped on the sidewalk, and did a face plant into the grass.  I was a human kite. Very attractive and professional.

The second mishap happened two days later.  I was walking a large and sturdy Swiss Mountain dog when a potential customer approached me with her two dogs.  He lunged, pain shot thru my right side and off he went, as I caught myself on a conveniently placed holly (ouch!) bush.  

The only thing I could say to the woman was a deadpan, "Wow.  That must make you feel REALLY confident about my abilities, huh?"  Fortunately this dog has done this to his owner, so if only one of my 20 visits was a fail, I guess I looked pretty good. She hired me.

Needless to say, my body was killing me.  And I discovered that if I lost use of my right arm, I'm entirely unprepared to start using the left.  My mom asked if there was anything she could do to help and my answer was, "Sure.  Could you come over around 730am and shampoo the right side of my head?"  Try brushing your teeth with your other hand.  It's like you've never brushed teeth before.

Oh! Hey!  I survived preschool!

No one had to take me to the loony bin.  I thought for sure that Justin was going to be a mess, but it was me, not him, who started crying when we got in the car.  It felt like just the other day that I was getting to know this tiny, new being in the hospital.  Suddenly, she talks, walks, and bosses us around, and we are leaving her with strangers for 2.5 hours twice a week.  How in the hell did THAT happen???

As Phil Robertson would say, "Happy happy happy."

At the open house, I joked with the teachers to not be afraid if they see Justin lurking in the woods with camouflage and surveillance equipment.  He warned them not to worry about the string that would be running from her ankle and out the door, because he would be on the other end and just wasn't ready to cut the cord.

Allie and Daddy after her first day

She did very well when we finally left and I kept hearing your words of advice (extra thank you to Madeleine M.!).  The teachers said she was just fine and asked once where we were.  When she told Allie that we went to the store to get something, she suspiciously asked, "They aren't outside without me are they?!"  Leave it her to be worried that she might be missing out while we were playing with all of the awesome toys outside.

Serving me tea at our pretend tea party at school.  Shortly after this I was sobbing in the car .

Allie has wonderful teachers who are truly lovely people.  I'm so excited for her!  I'm also sad for us.  She has officially taken her first major step toward independence and education and a social life of her own.  I really hope I am able to help her navigate all of this well.

You all should hope that I don't have any of your phone numbers because I foresee me making desperate calls saying, "You'll never believe what she just did!  What in hell am I supposed to do NOW???"

Opening her very first "big girl backpack" that was delivered AFTER she got home, of course.

By the way, Happy 50th Blog Post!  I can't believe that no one hacked and cancelled my blog account 49 posts ago.  Yous guys/Y'all/Younz keep letting me ramble on, which still amazes me.  Thanks for sticking around, even if you just got here!

Pre-school Freak Out

I have to skip over the Giggles From God Part 2 for a moment to have a full fledged freakout about preschool.

AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIGGGGGHHHH!!!!  

I am bugging out a bit.  

Next Thursday my little Peanut will be venturing out of her bubble into the world of education.   Of course this was my idea, but as a concept it was a lot easier to deal with than the reality of it.  Suddenly, I cannot fathom taking Allie somewhere, giving her a hug and kiss, and leaving her with strangers for 2.5 hours twice a week.  

Way back in May it seemed like such a great idea.  Allie doesn't have a lot of time under her little belt with other children.  After all, Justin has been her playmate all week long for the past 2 years and 11 months.  Forty year olds are a smidgen different than 3 and 4 year olds.  First of all, they can't drive.  That totally inhibits the whole destination play date thing.  And then there's the whole "knowing where things are" benefit.  And let us not forget the ability to reach things above the counter.  Everyone knows that the really good stuff is just out of their reach.

So, preschool seemed like the obvious choice.  Now that she's talking up a storm, it was time to introduce her to groups of kids her age as well as a school environment.  In May I was very excited about her making new little friends and learning things that little people need to know.  

I narrowed the choices down to two schools and we went to both to see what it was all about.  I honestly had the worst time deciding on where to go.  Both were amazing.  However, a friend of mine, whose opinion I respect, sends his daughter to one of them and he sold me on one of them.  By the time I hung up the phone, I knew exactly where she was going to go.

Well, the time has come.  And I have all of these thoughts flying through my head.

Does she need a backpack?

What will she wear the first day?

Will she be excited?

Is this the start of her becoming influenced by her peers already?

Will she cry when we drop her off?

Will we be sobbing like big ole sissies when we drop her off?

And most of all, who in the hell is going to watch Justin all morning???  I need a husbandsitter if anyone is available.  I can't pay much but he's very chatty and knows how to fix pretty much everything.   You can bring your broken crap with you and if you have any dramas you need an outside opinion on, he can give you his seven-thousand-dollars-worth (dime shmime!)  Did I mention he was chatty?

Allie is going through a serious shy stage right now where she clings to us when she goes somewhere new.  If we try to create a millimeter gap between her and us during these moments, she cries.  She almost seems terrified.  She wasn't going through this in May.  Isn't this a lovely time for this phase to start?  What if it happens when we get there Thursday?  I really don't think they are going to let us hang out for the morning with the other toddlers (even though I bet Justin tries to blend in and do it!)

I know that there are people reading this who have been at this milestone and I'm sure everyone survived.  In fact, those people are either reminiscing about when they dropped their little crumb cruncher off at preschool for the first time, feeling sympathetic toward my situation, or they are laughing at me right now.  And after next week, I will be doing the same thing when someone else tells me this same story.  

I just wish she could stay sweet and innocent and small for a bit longer.  I'm very excited about the next step and all that she will gain from the experience, but it can be scary way out yonder when you're by yourself.  I wonder if I can hover?  I have visions of me peeking throughout a window, watching her play with other children, seeing something that is potentially bothersome, banging the crap out of the window screaming "Allie, don't you take that crap!" and scaring the bajeezus out of the entire group.  

This would be immediately before the owner of the school files a restraining order.

Okay.  I'm done with my rant.  I'm still freaking out a bit but I thank you for listening.  

(This is where you say "No problem" and tell me how everything is going to be just fine)