Showing posts with label racism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label racism. Show all posts

Monday, February 22, 2021

Farewell Facebook

I did it.   I actually shut down my personal Facebook page.  

And OH. MY. GAWD.  It was not easy.  I'm still recovering.

So, here's what happened...

On January 6th, 2021, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and I began to have a physiological response to what I was seeing.  No joke.  My heart started pounding and it was a struggle to take a deep breath.  As many of you know, I've had an anxiety disorder for 20+ years now, so my first thought was Holy shit, Facebook is giving me an anxiety attack.

Then I remembered that I'm 48 years old and thought Holy F*ck! Am I having a God damned heart attack from mother f*cking Facebook!!!

Let me tell you, when you put all of those words together and consider that they could be a real possibility, you decide real quick that it's time to go.  Sayonara.  Hasta la vista.  Later taters.  I'm packing my toys and gettin' the eff outta here!

But let's not fool ourselves here.  Once my pulse returned to its normal resting rate, and I had a sugar-loaded snack to soothe my inner drama queen, I logged right the hell back on.  

Yup.  

I mean, it's so easy to just press that little blue Facebook icon floating on the home screen of your phone, especially when you've been doing it for 12 years.  There are neuropathways established by this point!  I could not help myself. 

And I'm fully aware that I'm a glutton for punishment, but don't you try to tell me that you haven't done the same damn thing!  You've tried to go off The Facebook and failed, too!  Fess up!


Anywho....you know what happened next?

I came to a full and final realization that I hate Facebook.  I hate it for so many reasons.  Here are just three of the skatey-eight quadrazillion reasons:

  1. I hate seeing photos of thin people and thinking 'I'm such a failure.  I'm still fat and they aren't.'  
  2. I hate reading my "friends" feelings and thinking 'How was I friends with someone who thinks that this is okay??? Are they serious?'
  3.  I hated seeing all of the insecurities and pontification and thinking 'Why do they feel the need to brag about this stuff?  Don't they see that they are special without pointing out every freaking win?'

My mom told me that my Grandma Louise used to say that 'we don't need to know so much about other people's lives.  There are parts of people's lives that we don't need to be aware of - for our sake and theirs.'  Grandma Louise was waaaaay ahead of her time.

My friend Arron said to me the other day, "Facebook. Toxic place for everyone to attack each other. The playground full of bullies that never closes."  And Sweet Jesus,  it seemed like such a perfect description!  

What sent me over the edge was seeing people who I care about and who I thought I knew so well posting the most racist and misogynist things.  Memes mocking people who looked, behaved, and/or believed in things that were different from them.  Photos with comments underneath, outing themselves for being something other than who I thought they were.  People with no political background spewing hate and ignorance, while miseducating others.  People who claimed to be part of a peace and love lifestyle screaming out disruption and hate!!!

And I cried.  

Let me say this as exactly as I felt it at that exact moment.  WHAT. THE FUCK. IS WRONG. WITH. PEOPLE????  What was wrong with me????  How could I love people who felt so strongly in a way so oppositional to the core of who I am????  

A whole group of people who bashed women and people of color... and **I** call them friends and/or family????

I was so ashamed.  How could I not know?  How could I be affiliated with them?  How could I love and adore them?

Grandma Lousie was right.  I don't need to know so much about other people's lives.  So, I'm done.  I'm done knowing and I'm done loving them.  

CHECK PLEASE!

(this one is especially for my fellow Stern fans)


NOW, on the flip side of this, I have to tell you that leaving was not all easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy.   My main struggle was where in the hell to go to get advice.  I had no idea how often I went to Facebook groups to ask for guidance on stuff.  

Where can I find a good local gastroenterologist?

Which cordless Dyson stick vac is the best?

Anyone know what that email about snow days is all about?

How are the roads in town during the snowstorm?

Do these riding pants make me look fat?

Does anyone have a defibrillator I can borrow so I can maintain my social media connection and not DIE?

At least once a day I think of something I would normally dash on over to a Facebook group and ask questions about.  It's been over a month.  Google can't answer these kinda questions for me.  The struggle is real.

But the rewards outweigh the losses.  I have so much more time.  I'm a lot less angry.  I am not subjected to personal views that make me have chest pains.  And I also don't have to stay in touch with people who I now know I don't vibe with.  

I talk to my husband a lot more too!  Mind you, he may not see this as a reward.  

I also don't have "drama queen snack time" to soothe my sensitivities and boost my serotonin.  Extra bonus right there.  I lost four pounds just by eliminating my personal Facebook page.  True story.

Wishing you all love and many blessings,

Vicki



Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Why We Need To Leave Racists Alone

Oh, this is going to be a fun one.  I can tell.  You probably saw that title and thought,  'What is this crazy bitch ranting about now??"  Clickity-click and here you are!

Lets play a game.

Pretend that there is a disease that is brought on by living a life of negativity.  We will call it Creepycrawlyitis.  It's something that you're predisposed to from a young age, your lifestyle aggravates it, and at a certain point in life it begins to affect the people who associate with the person in a very negative way.  It can destroy the sick person and may take others with it to some degree.

You have a friend, Al,  who you often spend time with and you've known him for years .  You like Al a lot, but you aren't super close to him.  One night, in a drunken stupor, Al thinks you are bonding and tells you that he has Creepycrawlyitis, not suspecting that you will tell anyone.

Right away, you begin to panic.  You know that if word gets out that you are close to someone infected with Creepycrawlyitis people will think you have it too!  You liked Al, but essentially he has put you at risk.  It's appalling!  People will think you have Creepycrawlyitis too!  How many other people has he done this to?  Al is very popular!  You must tell someone so people know what's really going on.

You expose Al and people are shocked that he didn't admit to this sooner!  He was selfishly putting others at risk through the power of association.  Al gets fired from his job, his wife leaves him, his whole world seems to be crumbling around him.

Ned from the next street over has Creepycrawlyitis.  He just saw what happened with Al.  Do you think he's going to tell anyone?

DO YOU THINK HE'S GOING TO TELL ANYONE?

Ummmm.... nope.  Chances are Ned will keep it on the down low, find some secret friends who also suffer from Creepycrawlyitis and he will have a blast living a normal life.  No one will know the truth about Ned.

Did the Ah-Ha Moment getcha yet?  No?  I'll give it to you.  Go back and substitute Creepycrawlyitis with Racism.

I don't want racists to be scared to speak their minds.  I don't want them to pretend they are someone they aren't.   I don't want their fake apologies.  Fining them and taking their money and assets away from them isn't going to change what they believe at all.  Not one bit.  It's only going to keep them quiet.

I want this to be a world where we know exactly who we are dealing with.  Let the racists reveal who they truly are.  Make them feel comfortable enough to think they can speak their minds and feel that there wont be any repercussions.  I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHO TO AVOID.

I would like to think that enough time has passed that the non-racist people outnumber the racist people by an enormous margin.   The best way to keep people honest and show them that we don't approve and just ostracize them without argument.  Maybe they will seek help to overcome this stupid fucking mindset.   If not, at least they will receive what they've been doing to others...... segregation.

If Donald Sterling was just left alone without all of this pressure to ACT  remorseful what do you think would happen?  He'd have no team because the players  would protest or quit.  He'd go to business and NBA functions and people would ignore and avoid him like the plague.  (People HATE to be ignored!  Worst punishment EVER!) No one would purchase anything that he was associated with.   He'd have no friends other than the other racist pigs he associated with.  He'd indirectly be punishing himself.  And that is way more influential than the stupid fine and the media giving him all of this publicity. Thank God he was such an idiot that he screwed up his "opportunity" to "apologize" and be accepted back into society after a short waiting time.

I was brought up to not see color.   I went to a trade school where I was a minority and found it to be a life experience that everyone should have.  I often find myself in situations where I'm the odd one out, but people accept me and let me in.  I have been fortunate beyond believe in regards to potentially discriminatory experience.  I have no clue what it's like to SUFFER because of racists and I don't pretend to understand what those who have been victims suffered through.

My daughter will be raised the same way I was.  View people by what you see on the inside.  The outside means nothing.  Some of the best books are hidden by covers that don't do them justice.  Some of the most visually attractive people have had the  most repulsive personalities.  The outside cannot be trusted when "judging" people for their true character.

By the way, we really ARE all the same.  That's not just a statement that "liberal extremists try to force down our throats in order to create unity."  (I thought I was going to vomit when I heard that come out of the mouth of someone I know.)   I saw a presentation in college by someone famous who often spoke on diversity.  Eons ago, when all of the continents were one, before they divided, humans all looked the same.  We all had the same physical characteristics.  The continents drifted and our appearances changed as we acclimated to our new environments and climates.   Nature caused us to change.   That's it.  The freakin' weather is what makes you look different from someone from another country!

"There is only one race on the planet; the human race."
Edward James Olmos

Love to you ALL!



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Friday, December 27, 2013

Save Your Stupid Apologies, I Don't Wanna Hear 'Em

I feel as though I have sufficiently calmed down enough to discuss the following subject:

Bullshit celebrity apologies.

It's something that always bothered me, but once the Paula Deen thing happened, followed by the Alec Baldwin thing recently, and now the Phil Robertson thing, I can't take it anymore.   Anyone who brings this topic up to me is bound to get an earful, because I've had enough!

I need to do my little disclaimer right here in the beginning to eliminate any potential pissedoffness that could occur if you don't read my big mouth opinion straight through to the end.  I do NOT approve of racist and homophobic slurs.  I don't care what color you are or who you crawl into bed at night with.  My mother raised us to love everyone equally and that it is inside, not outside, what matters.  Allison is being raised in the exact same fashion.  So, please be clear on my stance on those particular items.

Okay.  Here I go.

If I hear one more person "apologize" for "offending" people, I'm going to lose my mind.  It's all bullshit.  None of it is genuine.  If these people didn't have celebrity status and major bucks to lose, they wouldn't apologize to anyone for anything.  They are being forced into saying they are sorry for their beliefs when they really aren't.

Even if it was for one minute in an entire lifetime, Paula Deen and Alec Baldwin did feel the need to use racist and homophobic terms when speaking to someone in public.  It happened.  The words are so damn common that they easily run off people's tongues  in the heat of the moment.  Even gay and ethnic people do it.  God knows the "N word" is thrown around as much as the word "you" by African American people.  I recently watched a TV show where a gay man called another gay man a "f*g" because he was so flamboyant.  These words are being used within the groups who find it offensive as well.  Somehow, they give permission to keep the language going.

BUT...oh, yes, there is a but....

I don't want to hear an apology for something when you don't mean it.  I hate it when people in my personal life do it.  You might as well just say, "I'm only saying this to get you to shut the hell up and get over it."  And that's what these celebrities are doing.  They are being forced into it to save their reputations.  Its so disingenuous.  I lose respect for them for caving in and taking back their feelings, regardless of how crappy they are.  Stick up for yourself, dammit.  If you're going to be an asshole, be a proud asshole!

And who in the hell is so "offended" by this talk?  A newscaster says "shit" by accident and has to come back from commercial and apologize for "offending" people?  What planet do these offended people live on?  They never heard this kind of language before?  And why in the hell are they taking it so personally?

Really?  Offended?  I still don't understand that.  And if you don't like what people are saying, then walk away, turn the page, change the channel, stop giving them your attention.  That's what I do with people in my own life.  Their racist and homophobic statements don't offend me.  If anything, I'm glad I get to see their true colors so I can decide whether I want them in my life or not.  If they want to be ignorant, it's their prerogative.  Their opinions don't affect me.... unless you are dragging people I love into it.

The real kicker for me was Phil Robertson.  I'm a fan of the Duck Dynasty show.  I think it's hilarious and I like their wholesome values.  They seem like people that you would want to know better.  So, Phil makes a comment in a sermon (he's a preacher) about how homosexuality is wrong according to the bible.  He states his case and then moves on.

He doesn't say that you should hate gay people.   What he says actually is factual....depending on what you believe in.  The Bible strongly implies that homosexuality is wrong.  The BIBLE says it.  That doesn't meant that it's right.  But if you are a Christian and share the beliefs amongst many divisions of Christianity, then that's what you believe as well.  He later says that he thinks people should love everyone, regardless of their lifestyle.

It's your right to have your own opinion and religious beliefs.  When that stops, we are in for a shitload of trouble here in America.   I see a trend where people are trying to take away that right and force us to believe that if you don't think like the majority, then you should say you're sorry and shut up.

This is what I need to teach my daughter?  I need to tell her that when she has an opinion that is contrary to popular beliefs she should shut up and keep it to herself?  Don't be an individual!  And God forbid you slip and say something, make sure you humble  yourself and apologize for being so offensive!

Oh, nay nay!

There's no way in hell's bathroom that I'm going to follow that line of thinking.  If I taught her that, I would be teaching her to conform.  No conforming.  Be you!  Be nice, but be you.  If you believe in something that hurts other people, that's a real problem, but if you believe something that is different from the masses, don't give up.  You could change the world, even if it's just a teeny bit.

What if Martin Luther King, or Rosa Parks, or Susan B. Anthony, or Betty Friedan, or Brenda Howard gave in and stifled their opinions?  They went against the majority and now Equal Rights for minorities, women and homosexuals are bursting forward.

In conclusion to the Phil Robertson drama, I'm glad he didn't apologize.  I'm also glad that he told people that we all should be kind and love each other, no matter what you believe.  He's stuck with his guns (no pun intended), but he made it nice.  I'm impressed.  I don't agree with him, but I respect him for telling his truth.

So, my job is to make Allie's truth one that is kind, loving and part of a positive contribution to the world.  It's MY job and I take it seriously.  Children learn from example and I'm trying to do my best to set a good one.  The tidbit I'll take away from this apology crap is that I want Allie to only apologize when she means it.  Don't betray your beliefs, and for God's sake, don't try to say something meaningful that you don't mean!

Much love to you all!


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