Farewell Facebook

I did it.   I actually shut down my personal Facebook page.  

And OH. MY. GAWD.  It was not easy.  I'm still recovering.

So, here's what happened...

On January 6th, 2021, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and I began to have a physiological response to what I was seeing.  No joke.  My heart started pounding and it was a struggle to take a deep breath.  As many of you know, I've had an anxiety disorder for 20+ years now, so my first thought was Holy shit, Facebook is giving me an anxiety attack.

Then I remembered that I'm 48 years old and thought Holy F*ck! Am I having a God damned heart attack from mother f*cking Facebook!!!

Let me tell you, when you put all of those words together and consider that they could be a real possibility, you decide real quick that it's time to go.  Sayonara.  Hasta la vista.  Later taters.  I'm packing my toys and gettin' the eff outta here!

But let's not fool ourselves here.  Once my pulse returned to its normal resting rate, and I had a sugar-loaded snack to soothe my inner drama queen, I logged right the hell back on.  

Yup.  

I mean, it's so easy to just press that little blue Facebook icon floating on the home screen of your phone, especially when you've been doing it for 12 years.  There are neuropathways established by this point!  I could not help myself. 

And I'm fully aware that I'm a glutton for punishment, but don't you try to tell me that you haven't done the same damn thing!  You've tried to go off The Facebook and failed, too!  Fess up!

Anywho....you know what happened next?

I came to a full and final realization that I hate Facebook.  I hate it for so many reasons.  Here are just three of the skatey-eight quadrazillion reasons:

1. I hate seeing photos of thin people and thinking 'I'm such a failure.  I'm still fat and they aren't.'  
2. I hate reading my "friends" feelings and thinking 'How was I friends with someone who thinks that this is okay??? Are they serious?'
3.  I hated seeing all of the insecurities and pontification and thinking 'Why do they feel the need to brag about this stuff?  Don't they see that they are special without pointing out every freaking win?'

My mom told me that my Grandma Louise used to say that 'we don't need to know so much about other people's lives.  There are parts of people's lives that we don't need to be aware of - for our sake and theirs.'  Grandma Louise was waaaaay ahead of her time.

My friend Arron said to me the other day, "Facebook. Toxic place for everyone to attack each other. The playground full of bullies that never closes."  And Sweet Jesus,  it seemed like such a perfect description!  

What sent me over the edge was seeing people who I care about and who I thought I knew so well posting the most racist and misogynist things.  Memes mocking people who looked, behaved, and/or believed in things that were different from them.  Photos with comments underneath, outing themselves for being something other than who I thought they were.  People with no political background spewing hate and ignorance, while miseducating others.  People who claimed to be part of a peace and love lifestyle screaming out disruption and hate!!!

And I cried.  

Let me say this as exactly as I felt it at that exact moment.  WHAT. THE FUCK. IS WRONG. WITH. PEOPLE????  What was wrong with me????  How could I love people who felt so strongly in a way so oppositional to the core of who I am????  

A whole group of people who bashed women and people of color... and **I** call them friends and/or family????

I was so ashamed.  How could I not know?  How could I be affiliated with them?  How could I love and adore them?

Grandma Lousie was right.  I don't need to know so much about other people's lives.  So, I'm done.  I'm done knowing and I'm done loving them.  

CHECK PLEASE!

(this one is especially for my fellow Stern fans)

NOW, on the flip side of this, I have to tell you that leaving was not all easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy.   My main struggle was where in the hell to go to get advice.  I had no idea how often I went to Facebook groups to ask for guidance on stuff.  

Where can I find a good local gastroenterologist?

Which cordless Dyson stick vac is the best?

Anyone know what that email about snow days is all about?

How are the roads in town during the snowstorm?

Do these riding pants make me look fat?

Does anyone have a defibrillator I can borrow so I can maintain my social media connection and not DIE?

At least once a day I think of something I would normally dash on over to a Facebook group and ask questions about.  It's been over a month.  Google can't answer these kinda questions for me.  The struggle is real.

But the rewards outweigh the losses.  I have so much more time.  I'm a lot less angry.  I am not subjected to personal views that make me have chest pains.  And I also don't have to stay in touch with people who I now know I don't vibe with.  

I talk to my husband a lot more too!  Mind you, he may not see this as a reward.  

I also don't have "drama queen snack time" to soothe my sensitivities and boost my serotonin.  Extra bonus right there.  I lost four pounds just by eliminating my personal Facebook page.  True story.

Wishing you all love and many blessings,

Vicki

Welcome to TV Land . . . Smiles, Everyone! Smiles!

There's a really weird bond that can be created by television.  Have you ever met someone new and discovered that they watch the same shows you do and immediately you feel this kinship with them?  Like, just because they watch Dexter or The Good Wife, they're cool with you and you can become potential besties.

I remember getting my nails done years ago and all of the women who worked there were speaking to each other in Korean and the customers were just kind of looking around, smiling at each other if they happened to glance at each other at the same time.  There was a TV over my manicurist's head and I saw a Sopranos commercial come on.  There was a preview for the episode when Adrienne "goes missing" and we all kind of gasped.  

BAM!  Instant kinship.  

"Oh my gawd, did you see that?" "I bet they killed her." "No, Tony would never do that to Christopher!"  "She was such an idiot.  Why would she become a rat?" And then suddenly East met West and all of the Korean girls were talking to all of us on the other side of the tables.  It was like the UN!  It was the day that we all bonded at Fancy Nail.  Over kidnapping, murder and Mafia family values.  

The welcome wagon from The United Nations of Sopranos.  Not quite warm and fuzzy but they got the job done.

Flash forward a bunch of years and I'm posting on Facebook about how the Bubble Guppies songs are stuck in my head and I can't decide if its time for lunch or if everyone should line up and go outside.  Right away my phone starts alerting me to responses.  All of these other moms/grandmothers are hitting me with lyrics and hilarious sympathy.  I felt really connected to that group of people right then.  Over cartoon fish people who sing.

Click here to hear and see the highly addictive Outside Song....Warning : It sticks with ya

Then, there is the super weird bond over which we morph TV interests and start liking crap we never thought we would even KNOW the titles of because of who we live with.  I find myself alerting Justin that Gas Monkey is on in a half hour and "dont forget to tape Devil's Ride so I can see what happens later".  And Storage Wars has no mercy with picking a scheduled time for new episodes, so if its on we stop surfing and watch it.

One day (please forgive me, my VERY masculine husband) I come home to find that while he was sick, he watched the whole last season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey and he couldn't believe "those crazy bitches kept me from changing the channel for six hours!"  Suddenly, Im in luring him in with housewife insanity from four other cities and he's asking if I want him to set up Andy Cohen's WWHL on the DVR...cuz you KNOW he's got the 411, so you have to add that too.

The Bill Gates of Bitchy, Narcissistic, Campy Reality Television: Andy Cohen

(Note: I do feel bad about the Housewives thing.  I knew full well that he wouldn't be able to help himself once it was in on and in his face.  It was wrong, I know.)

Amongst the Duck Dynasty reruns are fifty thousand Peppa Pigs we save for Allie on the DVR.  We know all of the episodes ("this is the one where Daddy Pig forgets his blueprints at home and they make paper airplanes out of them") and we quickly learned the Mickey Mouse Club Hot Dog dance after seeing every episode on the Disney Channel and YouTube.  Now we are dragging a third person into our web of television insanity.

There was one particular day that this theory about television connecting people became very clear.  Justin came home and Allie had fallen asleep earlier with her head on my lap while we sat on the couch watching The Fresh Beat Band.  It was an hour long special where they remade the Wizard of Oz.  The show started at 4pm and he came home at 450pm (yes, its important to know the time).  He asks when she fell asleep and i tell him 415pm.  Then he starts talking to me about some medication situation at the the pharmacy (you know....Important stuff!) and I yell, "SHHUSHH! We are watching this!  We already invested fifty minutes and its almost over.  Can you just hang on??"  

Are you right there with him on this one?  You can take sides, its ok.

He looks at me deadpan and asks, "WHAT TIME did she fall asleep?"

"415.  I just told you that! " I had the audacity to start getting annoyed.

His eyebrows go up and he hits me with, "so WHO is watching this??"

Busted.  And a bit embarrassed.  My excuse for watching Nick Jr shows is asleep and yet I've been dragged into the BABY vortex......by a two year old who conked out, and four overly peppy adults pretending they are quirky teenagers while singing catchy songs.  

Personally, I think I've been set up.  I think he used Allie to get even with me for the Housewives franchise  invasion.  And I was caught in the act without an alibi,  nonetheless.

Well played, husband.  Well played......