Monday, June 10, 2013

Cheater, Cheater, Revenge Is Sweeter

Howard Stern was interviewing Wendy Williams this morning and they were talking about her new book.  One of the topics she discusses is infidelity.  Her husband cheated on her when she was pregnant twelve years ago and she stayed with him.

"When you fight do you bring it up?  That he cheated," Howard asked.

She answered him very matter-of-factly. "No.  If you stay, you leave it alone."  It was like a response and advice all in one.

I remember the last time that she was on his show and they discussed this situation then as well.  I really wasn't sure what I thought about it.  She had been pregnant and was not allowed to have sex.  She was on bed rest the entire time since she had previously suffered two miscarriages, both at five months.  On her part, there was a lot of forgiveness, empathy, and selflessness.  On his part, he was a pathetically horney douche bag.  Just my personal opinon on that one.

This got me thinking.  I personally have developed a "public humiliation" stance on repsonding to cheating.  Not everyone feels this way.  I respect people who are able to work though it, alone or as a couple, and come out on the other end feeling like everything is going to be fine, regardless of the end result.   Private dealings are also impressive.  Couples who have survived infidelity and never let anyone know about it are just astonishing to me.

Why?

Because if my husband cheated on me, you and the rest of the world would know about it.  I would be in front of my house, pacing back and forth while wearing a "(My husband's full name), your neighbor, is a cheating whore and family wrecker" sandwich board, clanging some big ass bell to make sure I got everyone's attention.  This would be happening during high traffic hours, by the way.  I'd be napping at noon to get my energy up for the travellers that start filtering in around 5pm.

I would want the world to know that I had been scorned.  If he couldnt feel the pain of my humiliation, he would certainly feel his own kind of humiliation.  I have no idea why I feel this way.  Maybe it's immaturity on my part.   Or it could be that I love him so much and would be devastated to the point of displaying ridiculous behavior at a much higher level than my normal insane behavior.

To address the immaturity part, this is a much more scaled down version of my original plan of  retaliation.  My previous version involved acts such as dismantling his beloved car and mailing it back to him piece by piece....title last, and shaving his eyebrows off while he slept.  So, I suppose I am growing up.

Revenge aside, I couldnt stop thinking about how people are able to forgive and continue on with a happy marriage.  I heard what Wendy said about leaving it in the past, but I'm quite sure that during any arguement, the first thing out of my mouth for the rest of our lives would be "You fucking cheated on me when I trusted you, you bastard!  I'm right and you're wrong.  FOREVER!!!"  How do people stifle that?  How do they get past it?  Even if I wanted do, I don't know if my brain would let me.

Then I thought about the additional factor in the situation.  A child.  Maybe she forgave him because she wanted to finally have that family more than she wanted to punish him.  Her dream was stronger than her ego.  Her desire to give her child a home with two parents allowed her to forgive him (but you can bet your bippy she doesn't forget about his moment of douchbagism).  Apparently, he never strayed again.

There is someone very close to me who was equally selfless.  Unfortunately, her husband was too stupid to see how lucky he was to have someone who was willing to pardon him for the sake of their family.  She wanted her children to have a full time father and he took advantage of her forgiving nature.

She realized he wasn't going to "smarten up" when he decided to move out while she took her daughter college hunting in another state (so brave of him, right?)  Years later, he finally got a clue after he found himself on the other side of the cheating field.  He spent his last years mourning the life he could have had if he had appreciated his first wife and stopped screwing around.  Too little, too late.

I just don't know if I'm strong enough to be like either of those women.  I also don't think I have enough verbal restraint to make it happen.  After thinking about both examples, I realize that maybe I would need to be a bit more reserved and introspective for Allie's sake if I was in their positions.  I have no idea what that would entail.  I need to put a lot of thought into this.

Just maybe the sandwich board show in the neighborhood might not be what's best for Allie.  Can you imagine...."Aren't you the little girl whose mom had a revenge parade down the road before she divorced your dad?"

Oy.  I'd be paying for that during her teenage years for sure.  "Because of you, they made ME stand in traffic holding the sign to advertise our fund raiser!  Some lady stopped to hand me a bell!  I hate you!" Door slam.  Music blaring.  

While I'm revamping this plan that I PRAY I never have to put into action, I would like to leave you with some people who share my current thought process.  I present to you a collection of vengeful acts titled The Most Satisfying Examples of People Who Got Revenge on a Cheating Ex on a site fittingly called HappyPlace.com.

Enjoy!  (And be glad none of those people are you!)

Actual For Sale sign shown in photo on the Happy Place link above



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