Showing posts with label old soul child. Show all posts
Showing posts with label old soul child. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Daily Musings and Random Ramblings

Hello, friends....both domestic and international.

Periodically, I look at the demographic chart that Google sends to me and I'm always amazed by who has stumbled upon my little piece of the blogosphere!

Now, don't panic.  There isn't a map of your street, with a little arrow pointing to your house that says "this person right hither just read your blog".  It's much more vague.  It narrows it down to countries, states and sometimes cities.

What I'm dying to know is how international people ended up here.  So, if you're from one of those other countries here on Planet Earth, I'd love to know what brought you to my blog.... and whether or not  it was an accident.  I'm itchin' to know what people in places like Germany, France, Australia, Canada, Russia and China clicked on to get here.

And as far as Latvia goes?  Well, hello there!  And welcome!  I had to look up where you were in my atlas.  (That kinda says something about the educational system here in the US, doesn't it?)

Operation Fattypants is going well.  Fourteen pounds have disappeared.  I still really want cake.  I'm just not having any....and I'm a wee bit sad about that. Sniff! Sniff!

Food portion sizes are completely ridiculous these days.  Some places serve eight times the normal serving of what we should be eating.  That's 800% more than what we should eat.  And a Bloomin Onion from the Outback is over 2500 calories?  It was 70 calories prior to bloomin' it!  No wonder we're such fatty-boom-a-lattys.

Even more frightening is the fact that I am so excited that I officially have relocated to a less crappy  section on a BMI chart!  I was doing the Forbidden Dance of Joy when I discovered this information.

Justin and I were sitting in bed on our iPads and I turned to him and said, all proud of myself, "Oh my gawd!  I just checked my BMI and I'm not Obese anymore!  Now I'm just Overweight!"

That there was a statement I never thought I would get excited about.  I'm thrilled to be in a new division of fatness.  (We are just full of action packed excitement over here.)

Speaking of losing stuff, would someone like to tell me where that sweet little baby of mine went to and who is this feisty-fresh little creature that was left behind in her place?!

Things I never thought I would hear Allie say:

"Calm down.  You don't have to be loud."
"Go!" (said while pointing elsewhere)
"I don't like you any more."
"Don't you tell me what to do!" (hand on hip, shaking finger at me)
"You're a very cheeky mommy!"
"I'm not talking to you any more." (as she turns and stomps away....for three seconds)
"I love playing with my grandchildren."

Say what?

Of all of the things she says that make my eyebrows shoot half way up my forehead, that last one freaks me out the most.  Her who?  Grandchildren?!

Me: "You have grandchildren?"
Allie: "Yes.  A boy and a girl."
Me: "Really?  How old are they?"
Allie: "They are just babies.  They are sooooooo cute."

When we ask their names, she usually gives us names that are probably popular in colonies on other planets like Mars or Saturn a hundred years from now.  Today the grandchildren were named Tanah and Ramah.  Nothing silly like Zingzong and Donkeykong.  (I totally would've taken that route)

This would seem like a silly conversation if it wasn't for a conversation I had with a Nun when Allie was one day old.  She walked into my hospital room, introduced herself, looked at Allie and said, "She has an old soul."

Granted, they are not strange words.  You hear it all of the time.  But for some reason, I thought it was shocking coming from a Nun.  It almost implied reincarnation.  I wasn't aware that the Nuns were into that these days.  Those wild and crazy wives of God are going all New Age I guess.

The fact is that we often forget that Allie's only two.  She's like a little grown up in a toddler body.  The things she says to us just don't seem to match up with her age.  When Justin asked her how she slept last night, her response was, "I slept well, thank you."  My response to the same question?  "Like crap."  I'm not as polite and delightful in the morning.

When she tells us to "calm down", she says it in this low, soothing voice while touching my arm.  In the moment, it really pisses me off, but when I think about it later, it seems very mature.  Too mature.  Freakishly mature.

What in the hell is she going to say to us when she's a teenager and we are REALLY bugging out about something?  With all of the therapists and psychological knowledge in our families, I can see her getting all "Frasier Crane" on our crazy asses.  We will keep her busy for quite some time.  Probably into her NEXT lifetime.
Dreaming of another lifetime......

Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Non-Serious Sirius

Day three of Operation Fattypants is complete.  I walked 13,461 steps (just under 6 miles) and did 26 flights of stairs from when I woke up to just before plopping my ass in bed.  I burned 2302 calories being me today.  And you know what?

I'm really tired....and I'm freakin' hungry!

OMG, I want to eat waffles and eggs benedict and a heaping bowl of pasta and chocolate and cake.  Lots of cake.  I want to bake a whole cake, put it on a plate, frost it, grab a fork and eat it straight from the cake!  No slicing crap.

But I'm not going to.  Not today.  Hopefully not tomorrow either, but definitely not today.  

Today started what I refer to as Hell Week.  July is usually a very busy month, but every July there is at least one week packed with appointments from when I wake up clear thru until my Serta Perfect Sleeper calls me back home. This occurs due to two reasons: #1 - I hate to say no to people AND #2 - I say "yes" before I check to see if I blocked time to eat and stare at my family.  Every year I call myself a moron and swear it wont happen again, and clearly, every following year I do it again.

What saves my sanity is the Sirius radio in my car that Justin gave me.  Originally, I wanted it so I could listen to Howard Stern every day, but eventually I strayed to other channels and discovered..... the comedy channels.  Yayyyyy!

On more than one occasion, I've had to pull over on the side of the road because I couldn't see from laughing so hard.  This is usually followed by calling my mother or Justin to tell them what I just heard (they are the only ones who will laugh with me when I try to repeat the stories) and then I'm laughing  all over again.  

Recently, Sirius added the Comedy Central channel to the lot and I flip back and forth between that, Blue Collar Radio and Raw Dog Comedy.  Tonight there was an interview with Kathleen Madigan, my favorite, on Raw Dog and it was so awesome that I had to pause it and leave my car running while doing my work so I wouldn't miss any of it.  For an hour I was hanging out with her and Tom Papa instead of wishing I was putting Allie to bed, all jammed up in that toddler bed with her and the seven thousand stuffed animals she piles around herself.  Oh, how I wished I was there instead.

A hilarious take on why Kathleen thinks our economy is in the crapper

Her thoughts on Vegetarians 

 This is audio only, but if you were Catholic at any point in your life (or made fun of Catholics) you should enjoy this.... I wish I had a Bob to do my talking.

When the interview with Tom Papa was over, I realized that today my thoughts up until that point had consisted mainly of two things.... and one of these two things left me a little concerned about my sanity.

First thing - I just wanted to spend whatever free time I had with Allie, so when I had a small break I dashed home.  She's been very "entertaining/TWO" lately so you really never know what you're going to get. 

Yesterday, when I asked her to pick one of two outfits to wear for the day, she said, "Come with me.  Lets ask Daddy which one he thinks is cuter."  Excuse me?  Suddenly her father is her fashion coordinator?  The man who I fought with for years about wearing navy blue t-shirts with black shorts?  The guy who still holds up clothes and says, "Are these acceptable? Do they go together?" before we get dressed to leave the house for an event?

The evening prior to that, we were getting ready for bed and she said, "Please turn that thing off," as she pointed at the fax machine that's still in her room.  "Why?" I asked.  "I don't like it.  I didn't like it when I was an angel and I don't like it now."

Angel?  Talk about giving me goose bumps.  Immediately I thought of the Nun who looked at Allie when she was a day old and said, "She's a very old soul."  When a Nun says it, there's a bit of credibility attached.  Enough credibility that family members started saying she was their favorite deceased relatives reincarnated.  

When I told my mother what Allie had said, she gasped and gave me the wide eyed look that says "ooooooo....spooky!"  And then she gave me the squinty eyed, judgey, tell-me-the-truth look and said, "Is your father still in that damn room???!!!!"

(She's referring to my father's ashes.  This is a bone of contention with my mother that I will reserve for a later time.  It'll probably come up when I mention Justin driving around for over a week with dead people that he found in a dumpster in boxes.)

Speaking of dead people....

Second thing - One of the most hilarious comedy routines I ever heard was played on Raw Dog Comedy Channel about 2 years ago.  It was an older, african-american comedian with a deep voice and for the life of me I can't remember his name.  I'm continuously checking the channel in hopes that he will pop up so I can check him out on YouTube.

Anyway, he was talking about how our government wastes money on crap like research that determines how many holes cheese has to have to qualify as Swiss.  And he brought up Jeffrey Dahmer.  I'll try to repeat it as close to verbatim as I can remember.

"The government spent a fortune on determining if Jeffrey Dahmer was insane.  Why?  Because he was pleading Not Guilty By Reason of Insanity.  Multiple psychologists were brought in and many months were spent analyzing this guy!   
I think I could save them a whole lot of time and money.  Why don't we have a law that says:  If you eat two or more're insane.  And guilty too!  Because after you ate the first one, you KNEW you were wrong!"

The "if you eat two or more people" thing slayed me.  If you only eat one person, I guess you are a-OK in the mental department.  lol.

And what he said made so much sense, but I spent a good portion of my day trying to wrap my mind around this: Jeffrey Dahmer was trying to prove that he was insane to prove that he was NOT GUILTY.  So, if he's insane, he's not guilty?  Well, I think we all pretty much know that the guy was a few fries short of a Happy Meal.  Does that mean that our government would give someone who eats people a pass because he was nuts???

Better yet, (and don't worry, I'm almost done with this) our laws indirectly conclude that sane people can also be cannibals!  Why?  Because they did NOT find him insane.  The following is from
As far as 'clinically insane', this was and still is a constant debate among professionals. While he was quite clearly mentally ill, there are several differences between mentally ill, clinically insane and legally insane. The purpose of his trial was to determine weather or not he fit the legal definition of insanity. He may VERY WELL have been clinically insane. However, one can be clinically insane and still not be able to prove LEGAL insanity or, even if they are able to prove legal insanity, the jury could STILL find them to be legally sane. Which was the case with Jeffrey Dahmer. All the psychiatrists that evaluated him agreed that he had serious mental illness but, they held different opinions as to weather or not he was legally insane.   
So, these people can't decide if eating people and then making furniture out of their parts constitutes insanity??  If he was not legally insane and ate humans and it was proven wrong, it's normal to eat humans?  He was crazy!  He was guilty!  Me and my 15-credits-short-of-a-degree-in-psychology can assess and confirm this.  No doubt about it, peeps.

I had to come to a conclusion on this debate in my head, and I decided after reading the above paragraph...... that no one knows what the fluck they are talking about.

And our government is so complicated that they can't even figure their own shit out.  It's like trying to nail Jello to a wall.  Keep hammering and if you're lucky, something will stick!

Welcome, all, to July's Hell Week.  It's going to be long ride!


Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory