Showing posts with label love of writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love of writing. Show all posts

Thursday, May 28, 2015

New Stuff I Got Goin On

Well, I'd say that was quite a sabbatical!  I didn't know I'd be gone for so long.  It was an extended blog nap, I suppose.

To follow up with my last post......  we didn't get shit.

I shouldn't say that.  We did have some sort of progress but not in how we expected.

After the last meeting we discovered that Justin's lawyer was a moron.  I'm sure he had plenty of good qualities, but helping us was not one of them.  The least worrisome of his moronic behavior was his inability to call us back with information we needed..... until we fired him.  Then he knew our phone number really well!  He could dial those digits lickety-split.

Justin, the good egg that he is, didn't want to fire him.  He felt bad that this man put 5 years of work into our case and we were going to give him the boot.  But, as I told him, it was five SHITTY years of work.  He was horrible!  No one could believe that this case wasn't settled and at the last meeting, Justin was told that there were two more doctors that needed to give depositions and then....blah blah blah blah blah.  My theory?  "This jerk isn't going to be sending us Christmas Cards and checking in after this is over!  He's gonna take his cut and run.  He doesn't give a rat's ass about us.  Who cares about him?!"

We were directed to a different firm through this wonderful person at Allstate who helped me grow up and pay attention to my meager investments (I thought the money would do better if I just ignored it and let it do its thing....okay, so investment-wise I'm as much of a moron as that lawyer we fired).  Here's what happened next:

Lawyer called us back in 24 hours
They got all of the records from the moron lawyer
Shit is happening!   Be still my heart.

Who knows what's going to happen.  At this point, I've relegated myself to "financially screwed for eternity" until someone tells me that there's a position opening up in the "show me the money" department.   Keep your fingers crossed for us, 'kay?

Speaking of my husband.... you know how they say "You know who your true friends are when your life isn't going well?"  Well, he is a living testament to that statement.  Totally true story.

When I met him, he had a bunch of friends that he hung out with.  Some separately.  Some in a group.  Every time one of these people needed help.... like their tv broke, or their heat went at their business, or they wanted something he had that was super expensive so they asked if they could make payments and take it now.....he was there.  Need money?  He'd lend it.  I never had a friend give me a vehicle and let me pay them off.... whenever I could.  Those people did though!  He was a gem of a friend!

Do you know where those people are now that we don't have cash with spare to share?  Me neither.

I think about it and I'm disgusted by how friendly they were when they had their hands out, but once we were in a bad spot, NOT ONE OF THEM has called to see how he is or if he needed anything.  I shouldn't be surprised.  They're probably afraid he'd ask them for something, much like they did to him for years.  The sad part is that Justin feels bad about it.  The only good part is that it weeded them out.   I swear if we are ever in that financial position again, they will never see a red cent.  Bad bad bad karma!!

I'm done venting.  I really had no intention of going through all of that when I sat down here.

If anyone is on a tear with books and looking for some gooders to read, let me know!  I've been ripping thru them on audio since Christmas.  I've been working a lot and when I work a lot, I miss Allie.  And when I miss Allie, I get depressed.  And when I get depressed, I eat a lot of crap.  So, audio books distract me from how much I miss my little peanut, therefore I don't eat.

Speaking of books....

I'm writing one.

Oh yes indeed.  It's true.  Aren't I just fancy?

About 8 years ago, I was dating a guy who dumped my sorry ass.  I was pathetic.  I remember feeling like Monica from "Friends" when she and Richard broke up.

I was living by myself and I would drive the 5 blocks to my dad's house and sit and cry on his shoulder (literally!  he watched tv and I just cried.)

One night, as I sat with my head on Dad's shoulder and my big box of tissues on my lap, I realized I had two different shoes on.  I scanned upward and noticed that my sweatpants had a hole in the crotch and my flannel shirt was totally buttoned wrong.  To top it off, I hadn't even combed out my hair when I got out of the shower that morning.  I went into the bathroom, looked in the mirror and said to myself, "Self, you need to get a grip!"

I went to my therapist and he advised me to do two things..... pick up a hobby and move around whenever I started thinking about my now ex-boyfriend.

So, I did two things.  I took my dog for a walk every time I got weepy (he was the happiest he had ever been!) and I decided to write a book.  I know.... it's a big hobby, but I'm notorious for biting off more than I can potentially chew (literally AND figuratively, as now I also have TMJ)  I sat down and began to write.  And write.  And walk the dog.  And write.  I learned that when I'm miserable, I'm a committed writer!

Unfortunately, a few months later, my husband swept me off of my feet and I stopped writing.  I learned then that when I'm deliriously in love, I'm a crappy writer.

And so sat my little novel.  For eight years.

While listening to one of the audio books on tape a month ago

the rest of the story hit me like a ton of bricks right in the brain, right out of nowhere!  The book was sitting behind some door in my brain that was overlooked time and time again.  Suddenly, it burst through the door, ready to come out and be seen

And I gotta tell ya', writing a book is no easy task.  I thought it would be like blogging, but it's not!  There's a whole lot of prep work if you're serious about it.   And I'm serious.  The truth is that I've wanted to be a writer my whole life.  I was writing stories when I was a youngin'.  There are piles of them in notebooks in my mom's garage.  (Not mine, because ours is a complete disaster of hoarding proportions)

With that all being said, I must depart and get my silly self to bed.  The brain needs to recharge or I spend valuable time every day writing drivel that makes me angry when I proof read it later.  I will tend to my blog more often, because I still have lots of ridiculousness to report and insanity to complain about.  I need you.

Totally true story!

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Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Older And Wiser

Until recently I felt like a 20 year old. Then along came 40. Now I feel like I'm sliding into "growing up", which I honestly thought was never going to come. Actually, 39 was a pretty good warm up period for this big transition.

There are a lot of benefits to this milestone, so I don't want to scare anyone who isn't there yet. It's not like you wake up, almost forty, and things start falling off or breaking. It's more like a trade. And it's pretty even. This isn't an all-star quarterback for three nearly-shitty ones. Terry Bradshaw caliber benefits traded for Joe Montana caliber benefits. Both have pluses but they aren't the same.

For instance, my eyes started crapping out on me around 38. I was already blind as a bat without contacts, but suddenly this "dry eye" thing starting attacking my eyes and I had to get glasses with a stronger prescription. Dry eye? I blink! Wtf??? No explanation. It just happened and I'm not pleased.

My gums started receding. WHAAAATTT?? Bad, bad, bad. My mom spent a fortune for these teeth to be aligned so perfectly that every dentist I've been to exclaims, "Wow. Your teeth are gorgeous. Did you have braces??? Who did this?" Ive had dentists call other people in to oogle my chompers. Suddenly, I'm being told "You brush too much. You need an electric toothbrush to keep you from being so vigorous." I brush too much??? And too vigorously??? Years and years of "you need to brush and floss!!" and suddenly I hit a point where I needed to cut back. No one saw it coming? Forty hit and my gums decided they were going to rebel.

My boobs....well, I'm not going to go there. If you have them, you know what happens, especially after having kids. It's not nice. I wore bras to bed as a young person to try and maintain their youthfulness. Suddenly, they betray me. The back pain for 24 years wasn't enough abuse, breasteses?

My knees crack when I walk up the stairs. My skin has age spots. My hair is blah. Etc. etc. etc. etc. UGH.

What did I gain, you ask?
(Little ole me.... when life was good and worry-free)
I learned that drama is bad and now I work on avoiding it and the people who create it. All of that stress thru my teens and 20's could've been avoided if I was able to determine what as drama and what was a real problem. Now I see younger people wrapped up in it and I smile and shake my head just like people did to me. 'Youre wasting time, you poor fool,' I think.

Speaking of wasting time, I appreciate it so much more now. I get more done in an hour now than I did in ten hours in my 20s. I know that a lot of that awareness was brought on by parenthood, but I see young mothers who are almost at a geezer level of efficiency, but not quite as good at budgeting their time. When you're young you think you have forever to get things done. When you're 40 you hear about people just a few years older than you dying from unexpected stuff, and then you think 'treat every day like its your last!' Time is cherished stuff.

Sensible shoes. The first time a podiatrist told me I needed to wear sensible shoes, I wanted to die. I love shoes. I have a shoe wall that my husband built to accommodate my shoes and display them so I can appreciate them all at once. Sensible ones were the kiss of fashion death when I was younger. Now I look like everyone else my age and we all don't give a shit what's on each others' feet unless they are super pretty shoes. Now we appreciate the foot apparel of our peers rather than critique it.

Money smarts come with age. Some people only get so far, but I think we all improve to a point. The crap I wasted money on twenty, fifteen or ten years ago makes me so angry. My parents taught us financial responsibility, yet I still had moments of stupidity. For instance......people don't need enough shoes to fill a wall when they are struggling to pay bills (yes, I self criticized there). Hence, why I haven't bought unnecessary shoes in years. (sob! tissue please!) Also, if you don't have the same amount of money saved In the bank that you just spent on your vacation YOU SHOULDN'T BE GOING ON THAT VACATION. And if that car payment seems stressful, you're buying the wrong car. It goes on and on.  Confucius say 'Live within your means and find serenity.'

(Side note: your parents aren't a bank or a hotel. You should only be living with them or borrowing money from them if you are down on your luck or saving for something like a house or education. And if you have a fancy car, expensive wardrobe and money to go out more than once a week, consider yourself a drain on your parents!!!  And p.s., your friends and family ARE talking about you behind your back.)

Therapy is smart.  If you aren't happy and don't know how to get there, you need therapy. We thought we knew everything before 30. Turns out we actually know nothing and its all guess work. If you've been guessing poorly about how to find happiness, you're probably miserable. Howard Stern is worth hundreds of millions and he sees a therapist multiple times a week for guidance. Therapy isn't "only for life losers". You're only a loser if you need help and still don't ask.

Last, but not least, and definitely not the end, is REALITY. This is my favorite learning lesson. As a child and teenager some things happened.  It's called life.  Some of it was surely good and maybe some of it was horrible. However, as we enter our twenties, we try to make sense of the things that happened and why we are the person we are becoming.

Here's the exciting part!

It's totally skewed. Along the way, most of us made unhappy things seem worse to explain or excuse our behavior. EVERYONE did it!!  It happens partially because you're trying to cope with your mental shit, and partially a result of ...... don't get mad...... I did it too.....immaturity and self-aggrandizing (click on that last word if you don't know it and you'll get the definition). I wish someone had told me I was doing this back then. I kept diaries and and they helped me remember what REALLY happened. Even if what I wrote wasn't an accurate account of what happened, it helped me SEE the truth later. I will encourage Allie to do keep journals for this reason alone. The benefits are huge between encouraging creativity and providing yourself with a reference of life events. You can be honest with yourself later if you can't quite do it then.

By the way, I owe the Vicki History Reference Materials (a/k/a the piles of journals) and my love of writing about stuff to my Mom. Even when I think I stink at it, she always finds some way to make me feel confident about what I've done and what I might be able to do. I can dig a hole, life can shove me in it, and everything will feel hopeless.....but my mom is always hanging over the edge with a rope yelling, "Grab on, my beloved child! I love you, I believe in you and you're valuable!..... And seeing you in this predicament, I'm quite sure now that it was the whole pie I ate one night when I was pregnant with you that has made you the crazy nut that you are!"

She has become aware, and now I am too, that I'm a complete wackadoodle because of her pie portion problem when I was a mere fetus. The learning lessons and moments of self realization never end, do they?