Friday, May 24, 2013

Pain....and Forgetting A Witty Title

I had a completely different entry ready to go, but I need to put it on the back burner to address my current situation.  And this should be fun because I'm all boogered up on Percoset right now so who knows what this will look like tomorrow.

I'm annoyed by my stupidity.  I'm more annoyed by my ankle weakness.....or as the medical peeps call it "chronic ankle instability".  I've got two things on this body that are thin..... my wrists and my ankles. It seems as though my ankles will go to extremes to try to join the club that the chubby body parts are in.  They have a direct link to the part of my brain that is responsible for stupid decisions, which is how they manage to make it to the "chubby side" from time to time.

On Wednesday evening I was playing Hide and Go Seek with Miss Alliepants.  I was the hider and she was the seeker.  The problem is that she's an extremely fast counter.  She went into the bathroom to count and it sounded like this "One....two.....tree......fourfivesixsebeneightnineTEN!  Ready not here I come!"  As soon as the counting commenced, I started hauling ass to find a hiding spot.

Somewhere around "seben", I leaped into the air and everything went south.

Sadie was laying in my path.  She was sprawled out on her side and I would've sworn she was asleep.  Rather than run around her, I thought I'd hurdle over the dog.  Right after my launch, Sadie's Spidey-Senses kicked in and she jumped up.  My left foot hooked onto her back and I landed on my right ankle.  And just to confirm the decision that I should've picked another route, I went flying head first into the front door.  There should've been a Vicki-shaped hole there.

I rolled around on the floor holding my ankle with one hand and my head with another.  Allie came running over yelling, "I find you!  I find you!"  After assessing my actions, she asked, "Why Mommy laughing so hard?" 

Somehow I spit out, "Mommy isn't laughing.  I hurt myself."  It was like someone flipped a switch and suddenly she was standing over me crying, too.

I'll save the rest of the drama and summarize it by saying that when Justin got home I was sitting on the couch with an ice pack, trying to entertain Allie from the couch, and my ankle looked like it was replaced by a tennis ball.

I am a self professed spazz.  When I fall or crash into things, I do it in a big way.  About 8 years ago I spent two summer months with a cast on my ankle from twisting it three times.  Three times.  To make matters worse, I also had a shitload of worn out left shoes and matching brand new right shoes.... and you KNOW how I feel about shoes!  True to form, I have accomplished ultimate spazzdom once again, trying to hurdle my dog while playing with a two year old.

Later that night, I took a Percoset on Justin's urging.  Between the crying and bitchiness ("How will I do my job!?  Don't tell me not to worry!  You think you have this all figured out, don't you?!") I think he was pretty desperate to "lighten my mood".  It lightened my mood alright.  My mom had to drive me to my late night appointment because operating a vehicle sounded a bit too complicated.  I spent an inordinate amount of time imitating my daughter's speech patterns.  Asking my husband what he was doing every three minutes seemed entertaining, especially when I incorporated the previously mentioned bit of silliness every sixty seconds by saying, "Allie....what Daddy have?"

Silliness gave way to nausea, dizziness and itchiness.  I started to feel like a junkie.  At 3am I was scratching things that never itched before, like my eye lids and underneath my fingernails.  And I really couldn't believe that I had skin left the next morning.  I expected to wake up looking like I had a serious case of road rash all over my body.  Nope!  I was fine.

Well, tonight things are worse.  I have oodles of pain and no silliness.  Even the little dog feels bad for me..... and she can't stand me.  I'm on my second Percoset in two hours and I'm going to wrap this up because I keep forgetting my point and the scratching is interfering with my typing.  My palms are even itchy.  My apologies for this aimless rant.  Hopefully tomorrow I'll feel better.....or at least have a doctor's opinion as to why I don't.  I'm aiming for the first one. Wish me luck.