Showing posts with label worried mother. Show all posts
Showing posts with label worried mother. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Rapid-fire Tragedy

It feels like there is no recovery time in global tragedy occurrences anymore. Im not sure whether that is an accurate observation or not. It feels that way to me. Maybe the media and technology have really created the lack of lull. Im not totally convinced of that though either.  It could be me.  Maybe Im too sensitive.  Current Events Sensitive?  Newsly Challenged?  Every little quirk has a title these days so we feel less nutty and more like we have a problem so real that it had to be named.

Looking back a to 9/11, it felt like that horrible moment happened and then we were allowed time to heal, or at least try to. As I've mentioned before,  there was no shortage of media coverage after the United States was attacked. If they ran out of things to cover here, they went abroad to investigate what other countries thought about our situation, or what the terrorists were all about and what fed their hatred of us. But it still felt like we had time to process what had happened.

Over a decade later we have non stop tragedy, complete with "filler". There was the Sandy Hook School shootings, followed by the Boston Marathon bombing, and then the mass destruction of the tornado in Moore Oklahoma. In between, we had Jody Arias' sick and twisted love affair/murder trial, the rescue of the three girls who were kidnapped ten years ago in Cleveland, random women being raped on mass transit in India, our President receiving mail with hazardous chemicals, banks crashing in Cyprus, the ongoing battle about gun control and, most recently, the train wreck called Amanda Bynes, which is sad for her and pathetically desperate of the media. (That last one was added just to see if you were paying attention.....there will be a quiz on this later which will account for 25% of your grade)

When do we get a break?

My mother, husband and I don't watch the news. I catch up on the news that I can handle by reading it on line. I know that this is the right thing for me. It was confirmed months ago when I sat down with my step father and the news was on tv. After watching for literally fifteen seconds, I was haunted for weeks by the visual of how Syrian children were being used as weapons during the country's current conflict.

I know we all need to be aware of whats going on around us. We all have the right to however much information we want or dont want. But when is it considered too much? Do we risk desensitizing ourselves? Are we making ourselves more anxious and neurotic by having all of this information? Is this awareness instilling more fears?

Fear can be paralyzing. I know because deep down, after hearing all of this, I want to live in my own little bubble with my family. I want Allie to be with us all of the time so I can protect her. My greatest fear is for something to happen to her where our precious life with her will be forever changed. Im afraid that she will be hurt, or get sick or worse. Some things, like certain illnesses, you can't protect anyone from. But there are those other things that you always hear "if only I had ___________, he'd still be alive." Preventative measures that went undiscovered until it was too late. I just want to hold her and hug her and keep her near me always. I want to keep the hatred, destruction and death out.  The media seems to keep all of it on our doorstep.

But I know that bubble is not possible. Well, actually it IS possible but completely unhealthy. And a bit weird. Everyone has had neighbors at some point in their life where they said, "We never see those people. Never. I don't think they ever leave the house." I seriously can't imagine that being us with my big mouth, Justin's propensity to talk to everyone who speaks English that comes in earshot, and Allie's constant inviting of people to "Come over. Hi. Come over, please. Hello?"

With that being said, I want to end this post on a light and barely relevant topic. I feel obligated to go light and airy for some reason.

Just a little visual to give you a giggle. When we went on our honeymoon, I was sick. Like very flu-ish. There was some virus going around called "the swine flu" (f*#king fantastic name for a chubby sick girl, right?) and I guess I had it. When we landed in Aruba, my ears were clogged for about 36hours. It was probably the only time Justin has ever heard me speak in a calm, quiet tone for many consecutive hours. Why? Because I was so damn loud inside my head! I heard myself as if I was screaming everything.

Anyway, we decided to rent a car the second day and a local picked us up and gave us a crash course on what the signs meant and where things were. The minute I saw this guy jabbering away to Justin in the front seat, I panicked. Why, you ask? Justin only speaks American English (see, here's how I made this story "barely relevant" to the topic above), and when he hears an accent he hears every third word.

I, however, worked at a limo company where if you met someone who didnt have an accent, it was considered odd. I struggled A LOT but I did eventually learn how to understand people with accents. BUT, in this story, Im hearing impaired, remember? I was trying to read the driver's lips in the rear view mirror but he was throwing us around with his crazy driving.

We got out of the car, smiling, and when we finished the rental paper work and got back in to drive, I asked, "How do we get back? Which way did he say to go?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know? How could you not ask? He was rambling the entire time. He didnt mention anything??"

"Yes. Maybe. Probably.........He had an accent."

Enough said. What a pair we were. He couldn't understand because of the accent and I couldn't hear squat because of the swine flu. By the last day, we were finally able to find our way around. We got trapped in many traffic circles for way too long. And we still have no idea what this means:

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Thursday, May 16, 2013

Freeze Frame

Ive been sitting on these photos for a month because I didn't want our mothers to see them before Mother's Day. You can imagine that the proud mother in me was freeeeeeaking the hell out. I was stifling the urge to post them on Facebook for friends and distant family members to see. After all, I'm like every other mother who thinks you want to see pictures of my kid, regardless of whether you give a shit or not.

BUT considering that my recent quest for info about getting a Kindle for Mom's birthday resulted in her being informed that she would be getting one, I figured there were many on Facebook who were not to be trusted with the Mother's Day gift photos. Facebook was not my friend at that time.

(Note to self: Never expect people to understand that "its a gift" means they shouldn't mention it to the recipient. Serves me right for using Social Media to get some guidance from my peers. Very naive, Vicki. tsk! tsk!)

Looking back, the whole picture-taking session was a great experience, but I should probably be banned from actively participating in things like this. I should be forced to sit in the sidelines with wine and xanax and just the hell shut up. I was barely one step up from those anxious, crazed moms on those dreadful beauty pageant shows. I most likely annoyed everyone involved, although they were all kind enough to smile reassuringly and say, "It's going to be fine. Don't get yourself so stressed out."

Justin and I are taking classes from this wonderful photographer who is a customer of mine (Diane Bollen from Dragonfly Studios... Click HERE to see Diane and Joe's incredible photography) . Every time I go into their home, I spend extra time staring at their work. Amazing stuff. So, when she heard I was interested in photography, she offered to barter. I jumped right at that.

One day she called to tell me that there was a photography workshop near the city and an international photographer, Judy Host, was looking for a child Allie's age to participate. Of course I said SURE right away! I was flattered that she thought of Allie and it was a new experience that sounded exciting. We will be there! And then I hung up.....

Enter Anxiety Mom.

Here's how my brain started messing with me. 'Allie is shy. What if she attaches herself to my leg and wont let go? What if she starts crying and they can't get any pictures? Allie is shy. How will she do around a LOT of strangers? What if she freaks out? What if they cant get her to stand alone? Shit! Allie is SHY!'

Then the obsessive worrying began the minute I heard that Judy had this one outfit that she really wanted to use for the shoot and that's why she needed Allie. 'OMG this lady is counting on getting a photo of this dress! How disappointed will she be if it just doesnt happen? She's a somebody in this photography world. Will she be upset? Are we going to disappoint a Somebody?? Breathe, Vicki, breathe! How many people are going to be there? THIRTY?! We might disappoint 30 people with cameras??? OMG. This is bad. ALLIE IS SHY!!!"

Diane reassured me it was going to be just fine numerous times. Judy met us the night before and she reassured me Allie would be fine (although I think she was worried about whether I would be ok) (I promised to self medicate and chill). Justin reassured me that everything would work out perfectly.

Those three are typically very calm people so I went to a fellow worrier....The Ninja mother. And SHE reassured me. "They all know she's shy, Vicki. What's the worst thing that could happen? What are you so worried about?" If my mother was all easy-breezy and thought I should chill out, then I was going to try really hard to do just that. After all, by this point my face was broken out, I had more alcohol that week than the entire previous year, and I wasn't sleeping from the stress. I needed to stop being a freak.

I worried right up until the minute allllllll of those professional photographers walked in wielding cameras to photograph my peanut. And there sat Allie, off to the side, in that adorable outfit, eating pretzels and ignoring the people filtering in.....until we walked her to the staging area.

Something changed in the atmosphere and BAM! She was ON. Who was this child?? She thought she was the sixth Kardashian sister or something!

Looking at the photos you would never guess that there was this large crowd around her. It's like she knew she should ignore them all and be as cute as possible. She was very focused on Judy, who I think has something magical going on with humans. Judy wasn't looking for a smiling child, and our little princess never busted out the cheesy smile she gives me when I point a camera at her. Just a little sly grin here and there.

And here is the end result......

Photo by Judy Host
Photo by Judy Host
Photo by Judy Host
Photo by Patti Hale

Photo by Patti Hale
Guess what? It was all fine.

I left there with a complete adrenaline rush for some weird reason, and thought, 'Oh, I'd like to do that again!' I scooped her up and walked out of that place, so relieved that she performed exactly as she was needed to. She went right back to being my shy little girl once that dress was peeled off of her (she didn't want to take it off.) I suppose it really was a magical dress!

(Note: There are also photos credited to Patti Hale from Chosen Moments studio. Click HERE for her website. She was at the workshop and she reached out to us a few days later thru Facebook. (Oh, look at Facebook trying to be all helpful again! I forgive you FB) Patti was kind enough to send the photos she took. She was a lovely, talented person and her work is a reflection of that.)