Friday, April 5, 2013

My Husband Is A (Messy) Genius

And I am a moron in the making.  Apparently there is something called the Messy Genius/Messy Desk Theory that claims that sloppy people are motivated by achievement.  So, I ask you, does this look like someone who you would use the words "motivated" and "achieving" when describing?  Well, the theory says he is.
(Disclaimer: I would like to add that I love my husband very much and that he has other magnificent attributes that seriously outweigh his sloppiness, therefore I would like a pass on this one)
Genius and Protege
At the time of this photo, I had my own little farm of sorts.  My "calf and bull" were in a cage in the living room because he had back surgery and wasn't supposed to be chasing a little one around the house.  It kept her (and their messes) contained until I returned.  This particular evening, I left for an appointment and tidied up the entire pasture / play area before going.  I came home an hour and a half later and this is what I saw.  I promise you that my initial reaction was not, "What a genius!"  It was more like "WTF?!" 

Another fine demonstration my husband's extreme intelligence would be the use of Allie's hamper!
Exhibit A
Notice the cute Winnie the Pooh hamper.  It is approximately 6 feet from the area where we change Allie's clothes.  It's also right next to the door, so you pass it when you walk in and out of her room.  If you look closely, you will see pajamas on top of the cloth cover.  On top.  Why?  Well, I wish I could give you an answer for that, but I CAN'T.  Ole Einstein here knows it's ridiculous.  HE can't even tell me why the clothes are on the hamper, rather than in the hamper. 

He laughs a little at himself, actually.  It's right up there with Man Looking (see next paragraph).  He knows it's inexplicable, and he finds humor in the fact that he is one step closer to becoming a "typical male".  I'm guessing that he's far too busy pondering the meaning of life, developing a cure for cancer, and trying to find a way to bring Pluto back into our solar system to be bothered with the little things like being tidy.

Let me touch on Man Looking for a moment as I believe it too must be connected to higher intelligence.  (I have accepted this way of thinking because it's far more flattering for my husband than the alternative....that he may suffer from a majorcase of The Lazies.)  How many times have you heard, "Where's the (insert word here)?  I can't find it!"  You know that the item in question is in the obvious location, so you shout it out.  Then you hear, "No, it's not.  I looked."

Oh, no you didn't.  We all know you didn't REALLY look.

At this point, I ask the safety question....the question that will keep me from being super agitated that I have to get up and find something unless he can honestly answer "Yes, I did." The safety question is: "Did you really look or did you MAN look??!!"

I don't want to make you all jealous, but I was blessed with a husband who willingly admits to being wrong when he is.  It's so nice to not have to waste time debating who is right and wrong when one of us is CLEARLY wrong.  Suck it up, admit your wrong, and save all of us the time of arguing about the obvious.  (This should go both's not just for men.)  With that being said, I know the answer to my previous question by either the silence I hear as he goes back to search again OR he'll shout out, "I LOOKED!"

You and I both know that even after "look looking", we will go to the location of mystery, find the missing item in under 10 seconds, and hand it to him with that look that says, "Yeah right.  You really looked.  How did you survive before I came into your life? Here ya go, jackass" before walking away.  It's all part of Man Looking.  This is directly related to the Messy Genius theory as I believe it's a symptom of having those kinds of smarts.

All of this kind of makes me wonder..... if I'm resisting messiness, what does that say about my intelligence?  Am I fighting aptitude? The Messy Desk Theory says that brilliant people struggle with organization.  So, if I'm aiming for an orderly lifestyle, does this mean I'm an imbecile?  Are my efforts futile? Am I better off becoming a slob???  

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