Every time I look at my daughter sleeping, Im amazed by her innocence, sweetness and perfection. I've felt this way since her first sleep and ,if anything, Im even MORE awestruck by it all than I was 29 months ago. She can sleep anywhere, whenever she's ready to do so. She seems to be more beautiful and precious than ever.
And Im freakin exhausted! I wake up with dark circles under my eyes, splotchy skin and a whole mess o' crankiness to amplify my not-so-fabulousness. I used to sleep like a rock and wake up feeling wonderful, but that is apparently over. I cant remember the last time i slept the entire night without Allie coming into bed at some point. I wake up at least twice during the night due to a foot in my ribs or getting throat punched by a little flailing arm or the ready cry for "Binky?!" that she tossed aside in her sleep.
This week we decided to take the front off of her crib in her room and try to entice her with the lure of "the big girl bed". Everything was going so well and we were playing all of the appropriate mind games in order to make sleeping in her own room sound good; i.e. reverse psychology "so, Allie, tonight you're going to have to sleep in Mommy and Daddy's bed, okay?" She was determined to sleep in her own bed and I could almost feel the benefits of a proper night's sleep at my doorstep.
Then my neurotic worrying was triggered. The bed rail that we bought to keep Miss Thrashalot in her bed while she is sleeping did NOT fit. Justin came downstairs and said, "Would you believe in that short period of time I took it out of the box, assembled it, unassembled it, and put it back in the box?". It was too big. I felt defeated. Another night of abuse at the hands, legs, head, feet, arms of a toddler. She would sleep with us.
Justin was surprised by my decision. "Why can't she sleep in there anyway?? It's just one night!" Someone else was anticipating getting our bed back to being just OUR bed again too. "She will fall out. She rolls all over the place. What if she hurts herself? Or if she falls out and gets scared and then doesn't want to go back in there again? This has to be a thoroughly positive experience. We cant risk it!" You would think we were planning some sort of military operation. Operation Sleep Alone.
My Babies R Us coupon is ready to go. The drive to Middletown is planned. We are not coming home without the bedrail. Right now, Allie is sleeping sprawled out in the center of our bed...sleeping soundly and becoming more lovely by the minute. Im off to find some eye cream. I foresee puffiness and dark circles in my very near future.
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